What’s in a name?

9 11 2009

Perhaps I’m going into the wrong industry.

There’s nothing in the world that I would love to do more than work in publishing. Yet I think that my younger sister and I have stumbled onto something that could make us rich… or at least amuse us, if nothing else. You know how, when people go to restaurants and coffee shops, they sometimes struggle to make up their minds about what to order? Well, we just might have a solution.

We’re thinking of opening a restaurant with the name WHAT’LL IT BE?, or WHAT’S ON THE MENU?, or some such thing. The menu will consist out of orders such as: ‘I don’t know’; ‘I’m not sure’; ‘I’m not hungry’; ‘I don’t want anything’; ‘What are you having?’; ‘Something small’; ‘What do you recommend?’; ‘Give us a few minutes’; ‘I already ate’; ‘The usual’; ‘I can’t decide’; ‘I’m on a diet’; and, of course, ‘NOTHING’ (capital letters, said in an angry/ annoyed tone to those you are with, usually for emphasis).

It’s a great way to trick those people who never seem able to make up their minds – why go out to have something to eat if you don’t seem to want anything, or are going to be stubborn about it? Why not just stay home, then, and nibble away at what you can find in the cupboards? Going out is supposed to be a treat, not an excruciating embolism just waiting to happen. Hey, perhaps we should have a menu that lists great works of literature – you could order a GREAT GATSBY, or, if you’re feeling daring, a LORD OF THE FLIES. Even a SCARLET LETTER, SECRET GARDEN or some GRAPES OF WRATH. It’s enough to make one build up an appetite…

What I would love, of course, is to have a Stephen King menu. Can you imagine that??! Come on, picture it in your mind’s eye… *sigh* Perhaps we should sign a petition and beg, erm, request that he write a kind of cookbook of horrors. How about some pulsing strawberry blood-jam pie – something that’ll satisfy your craving, but keep you a little THINNER…

However it turns out, I definitely think that we should have rotating menus, to cater to each season, or maybe even a theme we would like to endorse. As long as we keep people guessing, it’s good enough for us.

So, what’ll you have?Ground brains... er, beef...[I think I’ll settle for ‘I don’t have much of an appetite right now’. What do you think?]

PS Just want to let you all know that it was my younger sister, in fact, who came up with the idea for the wonder menu to confuse people. I just decided to take it a step further and give it a literary twist 😉