Terms of Endearment

14 01 2010

So I think I have finally found out why I do not like myself.

Part of the problem with me is that I have a type-A personality, and that my perfectionistic ways tend to make me feel anxious and claustrophobic at times. Also, the actual problem is two other things: the fact that I am a binge thinker, and that I am (*sharp intake of breath*) a hypocrite. I don’t like hypocrites, I’ve been pointed out to being one myself, ergo, as I am a hypocrite, I don’t like myself. It all makes sense.

Recently, I’ve been thinking quite a bit about terms of endearment, and the different things it could possibly mean. There will always be somebody somewhere who is in love, and in such a case, endearments will be used: kind words and sweet nothings, in other words, sweet little nonsensical and lovey-dovey sentiments that can be nice, yes, but on the other side of the scale can be a real pain in the metaphorical arse. As such, I like to think of ‘terms’, in this case, as three different things.

First, they could be words and sayings used in an affectionate way so as to express your love, devotion, bliss, or even state of ecstasy and rapture to the object of your amour. It could refer to a time period which something lasts, in this case the life expectancy/ lifespan or even ‘expiry date’ of the endearments – a period after which kind words and sweet nothings turn into harsh words and bitter (sobbing) ruminations that make you feel like everything is wrong, that nothing now matters. It’s like limits have been set, and there is no way you can change it. How lovely… The third meaning for ‘terms’, and one which I quite enjoy, is one that makes the endearment sound like a sort of business contract – a negotiation, if you will. Basically, it’s all about conditions. I think here it would be appropriate to see terms as “conditions or stipulations limiting what is proposed to be granted or done”, as Dictionary.com puts it. It makes love sound less lovely than one imagines it is (or ought to be), doesn’t it? Like any of us reeeaaalllllly need to be told that…

Still, that description is my favourite, as it seems a bit poetic (is that the word I’m looking for?) in my mind. It’s as though the parties in question sat down and had an earnest, intense discussion about endearment/affection, when it should be shown, how it should be shown, what kinds of mushy-gushy coochy-woochy utterings are allowed to be verbalized, et cetera. It’s like saying, ‘All right, I’m fine if you call me Sweetheart, but I draw the line at Hunnie-bunch and Snugly Bunnykins Heart’, or some such rubbish. There are just some things that should never be said in public. Ever. Especially not if it is, for example, your Facebook status or a message you left on that person’s Facebook wall – it lands up on the Live (news) Feed all your friends see on their Facebook accounts, and really, it’s a little too much.

That probably makes me sound like the most awful, insensitive, love intolerant grumbler on the face of this planet – perhaps even within our solar system, for that matter. The thing is, it’s beautiful when people are in love, and that they express their love so openly, sharing their feelings with the world; it’s not like I expect people to hide their emotions. I love my Significant Other, too, and yes, I have mentioned in my Facebook status updates that I love him, and yes, I have said that he is “My life, my love, my Everything”, and for some people, that’s all ready too much. I said that if people want to be too explicit or mushy-gushy, dry-heave inducing lovebirds on the net, then send your beloved a text message, or a message to their Facebook inbox. It’s hard to miss seeing what they tell one another within the Facebook feed thingy, and how am I supposed to know what not to read? I’m interested in my friends’ lives, which is why I read the feed in the first place. And now that I have made the comment that overdone adoration statements should be redirected to another location of reception, I’ve been told that I’m just as guilty, that I do it quite often, that nobody forces me to read it, that people should be able to say whatever they want on their status updates, et cetera. My wrist has been slapped justly, and thus I apologize for coming across as a great big hypocrite.

On the 8th of February, my Significant Other and I will be celebrating our two year anniversary – and I promise that I won’t over-term my endearment, no matter how special a day it is. I’ll simply say, “Thank you for the two years you have been in my life”. Nothing soppy, nothing sentimental, and nothing that will make me sound like a hypocrite.

Although, since I don’t like myself already, why worry about it that much?

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One response

14 01 2010
Lize

ai man, ek het dit nie so bedoel nie 🙂 Ek verstaan nou dat jy eintlik die meer mushy lovey dovey, pampoentjie, liefie-diefie-duifie, schnookums talk bedoel het. Wat nogal ‘n klein bietjie irriterend is, soos ek in die een comment gese het – i don’t get it! 🙂

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