The police need less stomach-out and more diet-in(g)

11 08 2010

I heard something on the news this morning while on my way to work which stuck in my head all day long. Leave it to Gareth Cliff and the 5FM team to get my thought-processes going in a certain direction so early in the morning.

Spending all day working, not noticing how the time flew by when 16:30 was already upon me, I had slightly ‘forgotten’ about the little news titbit (or so I thought)… until I arrived at our apartment –only to decide on blogging about something I know will get many appreciative nods of concurrence, yet wondering if I should do so.

This post, late in the day though it may be (20:08 here in South Africa while I type this), is proof of me taking a risk. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, after all – right?

So. Hmm. This morning on the eight-o’clock news, I heard that France will be lifting some kind of law which states that police offers must be taller than 1,6 meters… Seriously?! This is a restriction they want to lift, because they deem it ‘discriminatory’?

Oh, Alice, it seems like we’ve tumbled back into that wonderful rabbit-hole of make-believe.

I know Napoleon must have had some kind of complex, what with being such a short guy and ‘fierce’ leader (trying to compensate for something?), and I’m sure Freud would have a field day with him… Maybe that’s why the French decided they didn’t want to have short guys protecting their citizens – how funny is a short police officer, after all? How intimidating does such a person come across? And what if they had reproductive cells or whatever that was/is still dormant in their brains which links them to Napoleon and, when triggered, could cause an uprising of great magnitude?

Too bad you cannot send them to Elba or Saint Helena any more *shakes head*

I for one don’t believe that a short police officer cuts an intimidating figure, though I do not mean to be discriminatory in any way. It’s good that the people are standing up for themselves, and if there are people who truly and honestly believe that they are cut out to work on the side of justice (or not, since ‘justice’ isn’t always the case when it comes to the police, if we cut to the quick and are honest with ourselves), then I say good for them – let them have their rights. And yet… I am 1,66/ 1,67 meters tall, which doesn’t go very far in the height department, and although I can at times be intimidating or ‘has a fierce’, to put it in LOL-speak, there is probably no way that anybody would take me seriously if I were a police officer (unless I had to prove it to them, and that could take years, because you cannot go around waste your time proving yourself to everyone while neglecting your duties).

That said, the article on the front of the weekly newspaper delivered to our apartment reads: “Gebou bars uit nate” – which, in English, roughly translates to “Building bursting at the seams”. Oh, the irony… the great, great irony…

Have any of you (and this is probably limited to South Africans) heard that song on the radio that goes “Stomach in, chest out”? It’s pretty hilarious, silly/stupid and catchy all wrapped up into one. So much so that it puts a smile on my face as soon as I hear the introductory beat. Here’s the thing: I might be making a generalization, but over here, most police officers are overweight. They suffer from a severe case of ‘stomach-out-chest-in’, which first of all doesn’t look attractive, and secondly makes a joke of the police force, because how is someone like that supposed to catch criminals when he cannot run a few meters without getting a serious stitch in his side? It’s like the American picture of overweight cops sitting about eating donuts and thinking that kids/criminals are ‘punks’ while they in fact to absolutely nothing. It’s despicable, and a down-right shame.

Be that as it may, when I read the heading on the front page, the corners of my mouth started to twitch immediately. I knew, of course, that they were talking about how the police station is too small and no longer has enough space, creating a necessity to make improvements (perhaps by finding a larger office space or obtaining an extra one)… but the thing that I was thinking, is that they’ve run out of space because the police officers are so large that not many of them can be in the building at the same time! I know it sounds pretty lame, but I still find the image laugh-worthy, if not at least worthy of eliciting a small chuckle. Can you imagine these ‘stomach-out-chest-in’ officers bursting at the seams, the buttons of their uniforms screaming their protest before they pop off in a tearing screech into oblivion? I kind of like that idea – really I do 🙂

The police aren’t all bad, of course. I have a great deal of respect for them, though it is a shame that there are certain of their members who put the whole concept of a policing system and protective (corrective?) force into serious doubt and shame.

Maybe we should get those short Frenchies to help us. After all, don’t they have some of the slimmest women in the world? We could definitely use their diet-in(g) secrets to get less stomach-out officers!

[Note: my father is a captain in the police, and he is extremely fit!!]

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