The doldrums – they’ve got me…

11 11 2010

It’s Thursday, 11 November, at ten-thirty in the AM, and I am feeling a tad off.

Depressed, sad, dejected, low, disheartened, down in the dumps, pessimistic – it’s all pretty much the same at this point.

But my life really isn’t bad, so that in fact actually makes me feel worse.

I suppose it might just be the time of year we are currently going through: the 11th month, almost Christmas, work ‘fatigue’, wrapping things up (literally and figuratively), being a bit nostalgic… Quite a few things than caused a softy like me to simply start crying two nights ago for no apparent reason (which is really quite annoying, you’ll know, if it has ever happened to you).

So many things to think about: will the budget for the wedding work out? Will I fit into my dress? Where will I find a job for next year? Why can’t I be smarter/ successful/ less uptight? Do I feel like I’m doing something meaningful with my life, something that will make me happy in future? Am I overworking myself although it doesn’t feel like it to me (when someone here at work actually asked me if I’m an octopus with eight arms or eight brains that I’m able to work so quickly and efficiently)? Can I ever do enough for my family? What more can I do for my parents? Am I a good almost-daughter-in-law? Should I perhaps get contact lenses since my eyes are getting terribly weak and I won’t be able to see a thing without my glasses on my wedding day? (Can I afford them?) And why does Smudgy prefer my Significant Other above myself? [I keep telling him that she’s his cat.]

It’s the 11th of November. The weather is getting warmer, my headaches are getting worse, I get annoyed by having to wear my glasses most of the time – and to top it all off, I just found out that our portfolios for the internship programme have to be in on the 15th of December and not mid-January when the internship ends *sigh*

Thank the gods I’m organized enough that I merely have to put everything I’ve already done together neatly in a folder or have it bound or whatever so that it constitutes a portfolio. Good thing I’ve already done a ton of research for the project we have to do, otherwise I’d probably be stressing more than I already am (if that is even humanly possible)… And, to make things even worse and cause me to want to break out in hysterical laughter: this ‘research’ project I have been doing so much research for, enough to fill an entire file, need only be about 1 000 words.

Think it’s time to drown myself in wine tonight…

But hey, things aren’t all bad, of course. I think it’s just the funny weather and the fact that I’ve been feeling ill for quite some time that I now want to get weepy and stressed out. Pair that with feeling tired all the time and having to deal with headaches and supposedly having to feel perky and cheerful now that the ‘festive season’ is upon us.

Fa la la la la, la la la laaaaa…. *cough*




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