Anger Management

2 11 2011

What do people mean with ‘anger management’, anyway?

Is it about getting yourself to calm down; finding a sort of inner peace with the world and centring your chi; learning to accept that everyone gets angry but not allowing it to get the better of you?

Screw that.

I don’t want to manage my anger (it’s enough that I’m a Project Manager at work!)

I want to harness that anger, to let it stew and mould it and then tap into it when the time is right and use it as a driving force in my day-to-day life. Instead of getting an irate outburst, I want to use all my frustration and ‘hatred’ to fuel my productiveness. Sometimes the best work is done when you’re angry/ brooding…

Okay, so perhaps the above sounds like managing my anger, since I don’t let it get the better of me and cause me to make a scene. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not angry. I’ll just be channelling the anger into a more dynamic state.

I don’t get angry often. It takes a lot to get me angry/ frustrated to the point that I start ‘scaring’ people – to the point, in fact, that I post a short ranting status on Facebook, using stars to replace letters in offensive words. After all, I’m supposed to be sophisticated and proper, daaahling 😉

But perhaps we’ve all got it wrong. Perhaps ‘anger management’ isn’t about managing your anger – it’s about managing to get angry! Some people never seem to get angry, almost as if they are emotionless, so in that sense, the fact that you as an individual actually have the capacity to get angry makes you more normal, more human (if there is such a thing)… Am I making sense? Who cares; it’s Whensday/ Hump-Day, and I’m so tired that I simply cannot wait for the working week to be over.

One thing about me being incredibly angry: I tend to want to tell people how I feel about them and their behaviour (cue many ‘Oh snap’ moments), though I never do. I just get a sort of sick satisfaction thinking the things that won’t pass my lips. Some people deserve to be brought down to earth and given a proverbial b*tch-slap, yet it’s not my place to do so (no matter how tempting it is).

If I’m still angry/ get angry again by the time I go home tonight, I’ll just have to start obsessively cleaning *laugh* Though I’ll try being faux positive today. It’s the best you’re going to get out of me.

So, how do YOU deal with anger?

[NOTE: the way I deal with anger is not limited to the blog entry above… though this is how I felt after my utterly crappy, infuriatingly vexing, rage-filled Tuesday.]

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R&R in retrospect

20 09 2011

Hullo again, dearest blog readers

I hope all of you have been just dandy – I’m ‘back’ after having a four-day weekend (which I optimistically have called a mini ‘vacation’… spent at the apartment) and I am not looking forward to going back to work.

Why?
Because I spent a good part of my time off thinking about work… and, yesterday,  my own stupidity… because apparently I didn’t fill in a courier form correctly (gonna’ blame it on the migraine I had on Friday) and processes at work have been delayed because of it. Aren’t I just going to feel like what the cat covered up in the litter box when I have to report to my manager…

So much for no worries.

In retrospect, I cannot really say that I feel rested after this extended period of repose. I feel tired. My headaches are worse. I feel listless… I was actually bored yesterday and today… blah, blah, et cetera.

But hey – that’s life.

I’m sure these few days have done me some good, otherwise I would have been working straight through until the end of December without having a breather (not that two leave days really count as being away from work for a sufficient amount of time so as to actually feel a bit more relaxed and less worried, but oh well). I saw my parents, I read a few books, I baked, I cleaned, I took lots of pictures of Smudgy… what more could a girl want? It’s like I said in my last blog post: “As long as I’m able to stay in bed if I want to, read a lot, and be with my Significant Other (and Smudgy!!), my time off from work will be worth it.”

Here are a few pictures showcasing my period of R&R. At least I got in a lot of sleep!

On Saturday, my Significant Other and I bought some materials at Spiro's so we could make a mosaic. I think it turned out pretty well.

Then we spent the evening watching X-MEN: FIRST CLASS

On Sunday we went to see my parents, had a late lunch at Mugg&Bean, and then I had some 'chill time' with Smudgy -- my S.O. spent the evening playing games

Lunch at Caffé Rossini on Monday; I had pastrami & avo on rye

Isn't she cute?? Smudgy spent most of her time with me while I was reading... she was lying around, sleeping

My S.O. and I played some good ol' video games 🙂

Monday at midnight (thus technically Tuesday): Smudgy in her new favourite spot -- the cooler bag!

Tuesday lunch at Pete's Diner - I had bacon, egg & cheese on rye. Not the best sandwich I've ever had.

To stave off boredom (if only for a short while), I baked a carrot cake. Nothing fancy, but it tastes nice

To bring my mini vacation to a (bitter)sweet ending, I bought us some mini cheesecakes for tonight. The choc chip one is for my S.O., of course 😉

I also took the time to read the CHAOS WALKING trilogy by Patrick Ness. They're quite lengthy, but thoroughly enjoyable! If you liked THE HUNGER GAMES trilogy, you're sure to like these books!





Wanted: some rest and relaxation

12 09 2011

I think I need a vacation… or a long weekend… or something, at least.

After a crappy day at work on Friday, my overall mood became a bit bleak/ despondent. Work surely played a part, but I just had this ‘off’ feeling in general. It felt like nothing could make me feel better (and my Significant Other didn’t even try).

So what did I do to lift my spirits a bit?

I baked. And I cleaned.

How could you have guessed anything else?

Yesterday morning saw me cleaning both the toilets, the bath, the dishes, my clothes… plus I did a lot of sweeping. And last night, I put on an animated Scooby-Doo movie, got my apron and ingredients ready, then baked (1) a chocolate cake, and (2) green & yellow (‘gold’) cupcakes. I might not like or watch rugby, but since I wanted to bake anyway, I thought I could ‘fake it’ and bring in a bit of team support. While the cupcakes were in the oven, I waited for the cake to cool down so that I could decorate it with caramel and sprinkles.

Nyummy chocolate cake (already has a section gone!) and colourful cupcakes

Oh, and did I mention that I went to take some of the treats to our downstairs neighbours (at 8PM) while still wearing my apron… and my slippers?!

Green and 'gold' 🙂

I’m not sure why cleaning and baking helps me to relax. It’s probably just my obsessive compulsive side. Even though I still think about what’s bothering me – or wonder why the hell I’m feeling so icky, anyway – while I’m busy (it’s not like I can really switch off), cleaning or whisking the sh*t out of something seems soothing *laugh* It’s the same with exercising. I’ve been doing 15 minutes on the elliptical trainer for two weeks now, selecting upbeat tunes for background music to ensure that I get worth out of the exercise, and by the end of it I feel sweaty and thirsty and strangely refreshed.

[Like cleaning and whisking, it comes down to pedalling the sh*t out of my body even though I’m tired after a long day.]

In all seriousness, though, I think I should take a Friday or Monday off and have a long weekend to unwind. Go for those tests at the neurologist. Lie in front of the television playing games until my fingers are numb or watching movies/ episodes until my eyes can’t take it anymore. Take a long walk. Edit my poems and short stories, then load them on Lulu and sell them. Anything in a small attempt to get my head straight, not think of work, and love my life (and self) a bit more. I’m so incredibly tired.

Mind if I join you, Smudgy? I could use a kitty nap (i.e. long and uninterrupted)

A little bit of rest and relaxation isn’t too much to ask for, is it…? (Greek Gods, I hope not!)

Luckily I always have my Significant Other for support – he truly is my Everything ❤





Sleep – I need it

28 07 2011

Think you’ve been having a rough few days?

I started cooking, cleaning & entertaining people once I arrived home from work last Friday (this lasted until Sunday evening). Monday and Tuesday I had all-day training, after which I had to sit in traffic and check my work e-mails. And yesterday, I not only had a pretty full and productive day, but I also spent an hour and a half working when I got home…

…only to have the meeting/ briefing session for the task I had completed moved to a different time-slot… an hour and a half later(!!)

It’s not that I’m particularly lacking in the sleep department. Since Sunday evening, I’ve been getting into bed between 10 & 11 PM, then getting up at 6/ 7 AM. We’re talking about at least 7 to 8 hours of sleep here. Sure, I wake up a few times or decide to give up on sleep an hour before I actually have to get up, yet in general, I’ve been getting a little bit more sleep than usual.

And, yes, I’m craving more.

My strange genetics are probably screwing me over right now. Usually I’d like to blame what’s going on with me on my genes, though I seriously doubt my sleeping habits have much to do with the twisting, looping string that is my genetic coding. Ditto on the extreme headaches I’ve come to live with, since none of my family members suffer from daily headaches. A headache or migraine now and again, sure, but Every. Single. Day. (for 8 years running)?! Not likely.

Then of course there’s my messed up reproductive system, which also cannot be blamed on genetics as far as I am aware of, since my mother/ aunts/ cousins don’t suffer the same fate I do (nor did any grandmothers or great-grandmothers). I must admit, however, that it is very strange and even coincidental that all three my mother’s daughters have problems when it comes to their female bits. I’ve had traces of endometriosis removed and my ovaries have polycystic tendencies (these are but two of the problems that I am aware of); my older sister has had cysts removed twice; and my younger sister has too much testosterone and some such stuff.

I think somebody put me on my Sleep Cycle/ Mode. The clock isn’t ticking by the minutes I have left to be fertile and have children, but is rather being muffled by the metaphorical snores of my sleep-needing body.

And because of this, I feel so incredibly tired, ill and over just about everything that I would like nothing more than to crawl into bed and sleep for as long as I possibly can.

This just proves to me that I should have been a cat.

Somebody find me a sunspot and a comfy pillow, stat!! ‘coz I’m getting tired of constantly feeling tired… 😦

Today is really feeling like Meh-day, all right…