Anger Management

2 11 2011

What do people mean with ‘anger management’, anyway?

Is it about getting yourself to calm down; finding a sort of inner peace with the world and centring your chi; learning to accept that everyone gets angry but not allowing it to get the better of you?

Screw that.

I don’t want to manage my anger (it’s enough that I’m a Project Manager at work!)

I want to harness that anger, to let it stew and mould it and then tap into it when the time is right and use it as a driving force in my day-to-day life. Instead of getting an irate outburst, I want to use all my frustration and ‘hatred’ to fuel my productiveness. Sometimes the best work is done when you’re angry/ brooding…

Okay, so perhaps the above sounds like managing my anger, since I don’t let it get the better of me and cause me to make a scene. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not angry. I’ll just be channelling the anger into a more dynamic state.

I don’t get angry often. It takes a lot to get me angry/ frustrated to the point that I start ‘scaring’ people – to the point, in fact, that I post a short ranting status on Facebook, using stars to replace letters in offensive words. After all, I’m supposed to be sophisticated and proper, daaahling 😉

But perhaps we’ve all got it wrong. Perhaps ‘anger management’ isn’t about managing your anger – it’s about managing to get angry! Some people never seem to get angry, almost as if they are emotionless, so in that sense, the fact that you as an individual actually have the capacity to get angry makes you more normal, more human (if there is such a thing)… Am I making sense? Who cares; it’s Whensday/ Hump-Day, and I’m so tired that I simply cannot wait for the working week to be over.

One thing about me being incredibly angry: I tend to want to tell people how I feel about them and their behaviour (cue many ‘Oh snap’ moments), though I never do. I just get a sort of sick satisfaction thinking the things that won’t pass my lips. Some people deserve to be brought down to earth and given a proverbial b*tch-slap, yet it’s not my place to do so (no matter how tempting it is).

If I’m still angry/ get angry again by the time I go home tonight, I’ll just have to start obsessively cleaning *laugh* Though I’ll try being faux positive today. It’s the best you’re going to get out of me.

So, how do YOU deal with anger?

[NOTE: the way I deal with anger is not limited to the blog entry above… though this is how I felt after my utterly crappy, infuriatingly vexing, rage-filled Tuesday.]

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Some (well-deserved) leisure time

16 09 2011

There are various reasons for me to be happy today.

– It’s Friday.

– The weekend is slowly approaching.

– I got to see my dad this morning.

– My mum sent me some chilli, salsa and guacamole.

– And my Significant Other looked so cute while sleeping in (he’s on medication)!

But one of the best reasons that has put a smile on my face and has increased my happiness – and trust me, I need it! – is that I will be having some (well-deserved, in my opinion) ‘leisure time’…

…because I put in leave for next Monday and Tuesday!

Mini ‘vacation’, here I come 🙂

Time to relax, not think about work (haha), spend some quality time with my Significant Other, get some sleep, feel good, and have no worries (a girl can dream).

Who knows, I might even get around to baking some more, though I know I shouldn’t… and I’ll have plenty of time to read, since my Significant Other still has to work on those two days (at least he works from home)… BUT:

What will I most likely end up doing?

– Cleaning.

– Exercising.

– Thinking about work.

– Checking my work e-mails.

– Worrying.

– Catering to my Significant Other’s needs (because I want to… and yes, haha, I know what you’re thinking when I say ‘needs’; stop being so base *shakes head*).

It’s all good, though. As long as I’m able to stay in bed if I want to, read a lot, and be with my Significant Other (and Smudgy!!), my time off from work will be worth it.





Wanted: some rest and relaxation

12 09 2011

I think I need a vacation… or a long weekend… or something, at least.

After a crappy day at work on Friday, my overall mood became a bit bleak/ despondent. Work surely played a part, but I just had this ‘off’ feeling in general. It felt like nothing could make me feel better (and my Significant Other didn’t even try).

So what did I do to lift my spirits a bit?

I baked. And I cleaned.

How could you have guessed anything else?

Yesterday morning saw me cleaning both the toilets, the bath, the dishes, my clothes… plus I did a lot of sweeping. And last night, I put on an animated Scooby-Doo movie, got my apron and ingredients ready, then baked (1) a chocolate cake, and (2) green & yellow (‘gold’) cupcakes. I might not like or watch rugby, but since I wanted to bake anyway, I thought I could ‘fake it’ and bring in a bit of team support. While the cupcakes were in the oven, I waited for the cake to cool down so that I could decorate it with caramel and sprinkles.

Nyummy chocolate cake (already has a section gone!) and colourful cupcakes

Oh, and did I mention that I went to take some of the treats to our downstairs neighbours (at 8PM) while still wearing my apron… and my slippers?!

Green and 'gold' 🙂

I’m not sure why cleaning and baking helps me to relax. It’s probably just my obsessive compulsive side. Even though I still think about what’s bothering me – or wonder why the hell I’m feeling so icky, anyway – while I’m busy (it’s not like I can really switch off), cleaning or whisking the sh*t out of something seems soothing *laugh* It’s the same with exercising. I’ve been doing 15 minutes on the elliptical trainer for two weeks now, selecting upbeat tunes for background music to ensure that I get worth out of the exercise, and by the end of it I feel sweaty and thirsty and strangely refreshed.

[Like cleaning and whisking, it comes down to pedalling the sh*t out of my body even though I’m tired after a long day.]

In all seriousness, though, I think I should take a Friday or Monday off and have a long weekend to unwind. Go for those tests at the neurologist. Lie in front of the television playing games until my fingers are numb or watching movies/ episodes until my eyes can’t take it anymore. Take a long walk. Edit my poems and short stories, then load them on Lulu and sell them. Anything in a small attempt to get my head straight, not think of work, and love my life (and self) a bit more. I’m so incredibly tired.

Mind if I join you, Smudgy? I could use a kitty nap (i.e. long and uninterrupted)

A little bit of rest and relaxation isn’t too much to ask for, is it…? (Greek Gods, I hope not!)

Luckily I always have my Significant Other for support – he truly is my Everything ❤





Since last we met

23 03 2011

Since the last time I blogged…

* …we received our Visas with no problems whatsoever – and the whole process took only three days! I was (and still am) very impressed with their quick service and efficiency. Scotland (i.e. honeymoon), here we come!

* …I found out that there will be a new DARK TOWER book coming out next year 😀 King’s latest novel will be available on the 8th of November, which is probably why the DT book will only be published next year. No matter – happiness all around!

* …my Significant Other and I were treated to dinner at a nice restaurant by his uncle and aunt. I had an exquisitely delicious bowl of tagliatelle with courgettes, mangetout and spring onions in a gorgonzola sauce topped with pine nuts. It was great to spend time with part of my future family – the meal was simply a bonus.

* …I’ve become a bit riled up with the religious nuts out there – more so than usual. I watched a video where this girl was saying that a group of them were praying over Lent for something to happen to the atheists in the world, and then two days later their ‘prayers’ were ‘answered’ when the earthquake and tsunami hit Japan. What is the world coming to?! It just sickens me… this is why I’m not religious. Some people (I refer to them as the ‘Bible Crazies’) are messed up to damn others for their choice of religion/ not being religious. Who are they to judge others and say that a natural disaster was a good thing?! F*ck.

* …I got into one of my cleaning frenzies again (something I blame on my obsessive-compulsive tendencies, especially when it comes to cleanliness). Instead of singing mice or birds a la Cinderella, I only had Smudgy watching me as I scrubbed the one bathroom’s floor, toilet bowl and basin. Perhaps I could teach her to meow on key…?

* …one of the neighbour cats came in, ate Smudgy’s food and threw up on the carpet twice! I have reason to believe that it’s That Darn Cat (yip, Dusty) since he’s the only one who comes in here for food. He also managed to spray/ pee on some of my books… Yesterday morning, I found him asleep on one of our balcony chairs. Something must be done.

* …our electricity was out from 8AM until 4PM one day for the 5 year maintenance service, or something like that. This gave us a ‘reason’ to go out and have coffee, plus I could ‘validate’ the purchase of the new Scarlett Thomas novel, OUR TRAGIC UNIVERSE.

* …we bought an exercise bike – a Trojan elliptical trainer, they call it. It doesn’t have a seat, so you stand and pedal on the thing, mainly exercising your legs, although you can feel it working a bit on your abdomen (I’ll have to do crunches or something to exercise that section more). In the long run, the ‘bike’ will be worth it, despite the fact that I’m currently still in the ‘no pain no gain’ phase of it all.

* …we took my younger sister, Addy, to Stellenbosch in order for her to do some research for a few projects she has due. On the way there, we had to stop for petrol, so I bought a cappuccino for my Significant Other and some hot chocolate for myself. I normally don’t buy myself hot chocolate anywhere, since they make it with milk and it makes me feel extremely nauseous, but today, the stomach ache and increased headache are absolutely worth it, because that hot choc tasted wonderful!

* …I’ve started to become really annoyed with my inability to ‘get into’ the books I’m reading. Take this Scarlett Thomas novel, for example. It took me four days to read 425 pages, and why? Because the ‘novel’ seems to be a lot of theory trying to pass itself off as a novel. I’m all for intelligent discussions and talking about science and hypotheses and so on, but if the whole book is going to be like that, I cannot help but feel overwhelmed and not ‘into’ it. I want to read for enjoyment and relaxation, not to feel like I’m in a lecture hall.

* …Smudgy has been having a ball playing with all the bugs around here. She’s even brought in two crickets (on separate occasions, of course), and been curiously puzzled about a praying mantis that looked more like a giant grasshopper or something. I love my kitty, even though she’s a bit ‘weird’ sometimes – like when she grabbed my hand, smelled at it fervently, and then went on licking herself as if I wasn’t even there. ❤





Home Employment

19 01 2011

Home employment, you may ask? As in working from home without having to deal with the ‘stress’ of being in an office around others?

Do not be fooled by the title of this blog post, bystander – for it is a great and noble thing I take upon myself to ensure that the innocent are protected and that all that is good (and hygienic) stays intact…

…when I am employed at my parental home… to do some heavy-duty cleaning.

My mum sent me an e-mail over the weekend with the subject being (you guessed it) ‘Home Employment’. That is how I found myself to be there early-ish this morning, ready to take on the task at hand while hoping that the accumulative dust factor would not get to me.

I hung my mum’s washing out to dry and washed two of my bathroom mats. As luck would have it, aforementioned mats released a vast amount of beige and orange fluff, causing me to have to clean the washing machine twice before I was satisfied with its non-fluffy state. I did the ironing, ensuring that not a crease was to be found upon intense scrutiny…

And then, of course, I had to dust and vacuum… The. Entire. House. :-O

Four bedrooms. Two bathrooms. The study. The kitchen. The hallway. The living room. The dining room. A pretty big house with a far-less-than-pretty amount of dust and the like. It’s no wonder I was sneezing like a red-nosed reindeer (why else do you think Rudolph’s nose looks like that? It’s a combination of awful hay fever and a sinus problem!!)

I managed to clean everything, of course, even if it meant breaking my back and having to go down on my knees to reach a certain spot sometimes… And all of this by lunchtime, don’t you know.

Now (three hours later) I still feel dirty and sweaty and various shades of unsanitary. At least I’ve managed to get all the dust and ‘grime’ out from under my nails. All I want to do is sit down with a cup of tea and read THE COLORADO KID – by Stephen King – on my NOOK *sigh*

On the job front, I applied for a position yesterday, though it seems to be magazine publishing (whereas I would like to stay in book publishing). Nothing to worry about – while I’m searching for a job, my freelance copy-editor/ proof reader status (which, of course, I’ll be doing from home at the moment, thus still making me home employed) has already secured me my first ‘client’… said client being a friend of mine who needs me to work through her entire Masters thesis.

Even if I charge ‘minimum wage’, that amount times the extent of the document will be sure to bring in a pretty penny. I don’t really want to charge her for it, yet she insisted on making an ‘appointment’ with me on Monday and that she’s going to pay (thus I won’t feel bad asking her for the smallest amount possible per page).

Things are sure to look up soon…

In the meantime, I don’t want to see a vacuum cleaner or a dust rag for an extended amount of time! Thank goodness I cleaned our apartment earlier this week: cleaning the two bathroom sinks, scrubbing the two toilets, washing the bath and scrubbing the shower floor, and…….