Anger Management

What do people mean with ‘anger management’, anyway?

Is it about getting yourself to calm down; finding a sort of inner peace with the world and centring your chi; learning to accept that everyone gets angry but not allowing it to get the better of you?

Screw that.

I don’t want to manage my anger (it’s enough that I’m a Project Manager at work!)

I want to harness that anger, to let it stew and mould it and then tap into it when the time is right and use it as a driving force in my day-to-day life. Instead of getting an irate outburst, I want to use all my frustration and ‘hatred’ to fuel my productiveness. Sometimes the best work is done when you’re angry/ brooding…

Okay, so perhaps the above sounds like managing my anger, since I don’t let it get the better of me and cause me to make a scene. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not angry. I’ll just be channelling the anger into a more dynamic state.

I don’t get angry often. It takes a lot to get me angry/ frustrated to the point that I start ‘scaring’ people – to the point, in fact, that I post a short ranting status on Facebook, using stars to replace letters in offensive words. After all, I’m supposed to be sophisticated and proper, daaahling 😉

But perhaps we’ve all got it wrong. Perhaps ‘anger management’ isn’t about managing your anger – it’s about managing to get angry! Some people never seem to get angry, almost as if they are emotionless, so in that sense, the fact that you as an individual actually have the capacity to get angry makes you more normal, more human (if there is such a thing)… Am I making sense? Who cares; it’s Whensday/ Hump-Day, and I’m so tired that I simply cannot wait for the working week to be over.

One thing about me being incredibly angry: I tend to want to tell people how I feel about them and their behaviour (cue many ‘Oh snap’ moments), though I never do. I just get a sort of sick satisfaction thinking the things that won’t pass my lips. Some people deserve to be brought down to earth and given a proverbial b*tch-slap, yet it’s not my place to do so (no matter how tempting it is).

If I’m still angry/ get angry again by the time I go home tonight, I’ll just have to start obsessively cleaning *laugh* Though I’ll try being faux positive today. It’s the best you’re going to get out of me.

So, how do YOU deal with anger?

[NOTE: the way I deal with anger is not limited to the blog entry above… though this is how I felt after my utterly crappy, infuriatingly vexing, rage-filled Tuesday.]

Some (well-deserved) leisure time

There are various reasons for me to be happy today.

– It’s Friday.

– The weekend is slowly approaching.

– I got to see my dad this morning.

– My mum sent me some chilli, salsa and guacamole.

– And my Significant Other looked so cute while sleeping in (he’s on medication)!

But one of the best reasons that has put a smile on my face and has increased my happiness – and trust me, I need it! – is that I will be having some (well-deserved, in my opinion) ‘leisure time’…

…because I put in leave for next Monday and Tuesday!

Mini ‘vacation’, here I come 🙂

Time to relax, not think about work (haha), spend some quality time with my Significant Other, get some sleep, feel good, and have no worries (a girl can dream).

Who knows, I might even get around to baking some more, though I know I shouldn’t… and I’ll have plenty of time to read, since my Significant Other still has to work on those two days (at least he works from home)… BUT:

What will I most likely end up doing?

– Cleaning.

– Exercising.

– Thinking about work.

– Checking my work e-mails.

– Worrying.

– Catering to my Significant Other’s needs (because I want to… and yes, haha, I know what you’re thinking when I say ‘needs’; stop being so base *shakes head*).

It’s all good, though. As long as I’m able to stay in bed if I want to, read a lot, and be with my Significant Other (and Smudgy!!), my time off from work will be worth it.

Wanted: some rest and relaxation

I think I need a vacation… or a long weekend… or something, at least.

After a crappy day at work on Friday, my overall mood became a bit bleak/ despondent. Work surely played a part, but I just had this ‘off’ feeling in general. It felt like nothing could make me feel better (and my Significant Other didn’t even try).

So what did I do to lift my spirits a bit?

I baked. And I cleaned.

How could you have guessed anything else?

Yesterday morning saw me cleaning both the toilets, the bath, the dishes, my clothes… plus I did a lot of sweeping. And last night, I put on an animated Scooby-Doo movie, got my apron and ingredients ready, then baked (1) a chocolate cake, and (2) green & yellow (‘gold’) cupcakes. I might not like or watch rugby, but since I wanted to bake anyway, I thought I could ‘fake it’ and bring in a bit of team support. While the cupcakes were in the oven, I waited for the cake to cool down so that I could decorate it with caramel and sprinkles.

Nyummy chocolate cake (already has a section gone!) and colourful cupcakes

Oh, and did I mention that I went to take some of the treats to our downstairs neighbours (at 8PM) while still wearing my apron… and my slippers?!

Green and 'gold' 🙂

I’m not sure why cleaning and baking helps me to relax. It’s probably just my obsessive compulsive side. Even though I still think about what’s bothering me – or wonder why the hell I’m feeling so icky, anyway – while I’m busy (it’s not like I can really switch off), cleaning or whisking the sh*t out of something seems soothing *laugh* It’s the same with exercising. I’ve been doing 15 minutes on the elliptical trainer for two weeks now, selecting upbeat tunes for background music to ensure that I get worth out of the exercise, and by the end of it I feel sweaty and thirsty and strangely refreshed.

[Like cleaning and whisking, it comes down to pedalling the sh*t out of my body even though I’m tired after a long day.]

In all seriousness, though, I think I should take a Friday or Monday off and have a long weekend to unwind. Go for those tests at the neurologist. Lie in front of the television playing games until my fingers are numb or watching movies/ episodes until my eyes can’t take it anymore. Take a long walk. Edit my poems and short stories, then load them on Lulu and sell them. Anything in a small attempt to get my head straight, not think of work, and love my life (and self) a bit more. I’m so incredibly tired.

Mind if I join you, Smudgy? I could use a kitty nap (i.e. long and uninterrupted)

A little bit of rest and relaxation isn’t too much to ask for, is it…? (Greek Gods, I hope not!)

Luckily I always have my Significant Other for support – he truly is my Everything ❤