Dear Department of Home Affairs
You better send me my new ID soon. The fact that you misprinted my ID and never let me know about it doesn’t put you in my good books… not to mention the inconvenience of having to fill in the forms again and getting that annoying black ink all over my fingers for prints. You better not mess up again, or there’ll be hell to pay. Why can’t you just get your sh*t together?!
A hard-working tax payer (likely helping to pay your salary!)
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Dear movie people who determined the release dates of films
I read THE HUNGER GAMES trilogy at the beginning of last year and have been eagerly anticipating the release of the first film since then. However, for some or other reason, it only starts showing in South Africa on the 13th of April!! Now I have to try and avoid reading people’s tweets, reviews, memes et cetera for the next two and a half weeks. I don’t know why the release dates for films as greatly anticipated as this one need to differ from country to country (read: for us not living in the US), but just know that you have really ticked me off. And then you wonder why so many people download pirated versions of films…
An annoyed filmgoer
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Dear writers of dystopian novels
I love you. There’s no better way of putting it.
An avid reader
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Thanks for not accumulating while I was away for the last week and a half. It’s nice to think that all the e-mails I came back to this morning were only general updates/admin and the like. Now if only we could arrange for a salary increase with the new contract I received this morning… I don’t particularly want to be jobless from the 1st of April, but I also feel all the hard work I put in is worth more than I’m getting. Don’t worry – I’m sure we’ll work something out. I think I’ll go crazy if I have to sit at home, unemployed, with nothing to do with my time… unless I start a little home bakery… or the whole book review blog idea picks up.
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Dear Significant Other
Thanks for the few ‘lunch dates’ while I was on leave, for helping me download books to read, for making me laugh when I felt bored/depressed/listless, for watching CONAN THE ADVENTURER with me (and enjoying it!)… and for just being you. Oh, and for reinstalling/fixing my laptop – you always know best *haha*
Oodles of love,
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Dear Mr Awesplendmarkable
Thank you sooo much for sending me your latest novel a while ago – I read it in a day and LOVED it (I’ve told you that already but it’s worth repeating). If I were a publisher, I’d definitely snatch you up! Thanks also for being such a great friend and for letting me be one of the first people to immerse myself in (and comment on) your works of fiction. It’s much more fun than schools publishing. You ROCK!!
Your biggest fan… 😉
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Get yourself on track. I know I’ve been joking about having a mid-twenties crisis, what with the boredom and listlessness I endured while on leave, but that was probably to be expected after working hard for an extended period of time and then finding myself with no obligations and nothing to do. Let’s think about what we want to achieve in the year to come and take better care of ourselves (i.e. let the exercise regime & development of new interests begin!)
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Dear narcissistic people
You may think you’re amazing now; you may get away with being rude and obnoxious all the time, throw tantrums to get want you want, and only contact others when you want something… This, however, will not always be the case. Just know: your day will come. That whole “do unto others” saying has been around for ages, and it holds a lot of truth. I am not someone who gets angry often, but I am really close to giving one or two people a piece of my mind. Your distorted view on the world (and everyone who isn’t as marvellous as you believe yourself to be) is going to come back to punch you hard in the face someday…
Definitely not sincerely yours,
Unimpressed & edgy
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Stop smelling so good. I just might give up all restraint and fall back into your aromatic (proverbial) arms… which, after 27 java-free months, likely wouldn’t be the best idea.
An ex-coffee drinker
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Dear daily headaches
Stop torturing me! You just seem to be getting increasingly worse, and I deal with it, but we both know this isn’t normal.