Anger Management

2 11 2011

What do people mean with ‘anger management’, anyway?

Is it about getting yourself to calm down; finding a sort of inner peace with the world and centring your chi; learning to accept that everyone gets angry but not allowing it to get the better of you?

Screw that.

I don’t want to manage my anger (it’s enough that I’m a Project Manager at work!)

I want to harness that anger, to let it stew and mould it and then tap into it when the time is right and use it as a driving force in my day-to-day life. Instead of getting an irate outburst, I want to use all my frustration and ‘hatred’ to fuel my productiveness. Sometimes the best work is done when you’re angry/ brooding…

Okay, so perhaps the above sounds like managing my anger, since I don’t let it get the better of me and cause me to make a scene. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not angry. I’ll just be channelling the anger into a more dynamic state.

I don’t get angry often. It takes a lot to get me angry/ frustrated to the point that I start ‘scaring’ people – to the point, in fact, that I post a short ranting status on Facebook, using stars to replace letters in offensive words. After all, I’m supposed to be sophisticated and proper, daaahling 😉

But perhaps we’ve all got it wrong. Perhaps ‘anger management’ isn’t about managing your anger – it’s about managing to get angry! Some people never seem to get angry, almost as if they are emotionless, so in that sense, the fact that you as an individual actually have the capacity to get angry makes you more normal, more human (if there is such a thing)… Am I making sense? Who cares; it’s Whensday/ Hump-Day, and I’m so tired that I simply cannot wait for the working week to be over.

One thing about me being incredibly angry: I tend to want to tell people how I feel about them and their behaviour (cue many ‘Oh snap’ moments), though I never do. I just get a sort of sick satisfaction thinking the things that won’t pass my lips. Some people deserve to be brought down to earth and given a proverbial b*tch-slap, yet it’s not my place to do so (no matter how tempting it is).

If I’m still angry/ get angry again by the time I go home tonight, I’ll just have to start obsessively cleaning *laugh* Though I’ll try being faux positive today. It’s the best you’re going to get out of me.

So, how do YOU deal with anger?

[NOTE: the way I deal with anger is not limited to the blog entry above… though this is how I felt after my utterly crappy, infuriatingly vexing, rage-filled Tuesday.]


Readers unite!

20 10 2011

I am so incredibly excited.

Why, you ask?

Because we’ve started a book club on Facebook!!

Okay, I suppose you need me to back it up just a little bit. Here’s the backstory:

At the beginning of the year (January/ February), I read the HUNGER GAMES trilogy – which I loved, of course. As the year progressed, I went on to read a lot of other books – and I mean a lot – but kept wondering how the film adaptation of the first book would turn out. I wasn’t all too happy to see who they cast for some of the parts, since they didn’t fit the descriptions in the book (don’t you just hate it when they choose someone who doesn’t even have the right hair colour?), but when I saw some pictures from the work-in-progress on IMDB, I started to think that perhaps they could pull it off. It’s amazing what a dye job, haircut and make-up can do…

Anyway, back to my story. I shared a link to the IMDB page with photos on my Facebook, and then a friend that went to university with me started chatting to me about the series and books in general. From that point on (probably at the start of September) we’ve been sharing and recommending books we enjoyed. She told me about the CHAOS WALKING trilogy, which I enjoyed just as much as the HUNGER GAMES (didn’t really like the ending, though), so I told her about the MAZE RUNNER trilogy – the final book came out a few days ago, making my timing for reading them perfect 🙂

You’ll note that all the aforementioned trilogies are dystopian novels (see my blog entry about it here), yet do not despair: we’ve shared other recommendations, as well. If you’re into light reads that include mystery and baking, you can try the Hannah Swensen Mysteries series by Joanne Fluke. If you still want a bit of mystery/ a ‘detective story’ and bring in the newspaper industry – and cats, don’t forget cats! – you can turn your attention to The Cat Who… series. My friend, Ms. Booklover, has introduced me to the Dresden Files by Jim Butcher – a cross between detective stories and wizards. To quote Wikipedia (and yes, I am going to do it, even though it isn’t always a reliable source), the series is pretty much “Dirty Harry Potter”… get it? Dirty Harry + Harry Potter (a hard-core detective and plenty of wizardry)? Ah, forget it.

Okay, one  more recommendation, then I’ll shut my trap. If any of you liked THE CATCHER IN THE RYE, I’d give THE WASP FACTORY by Iain M. Banks a read. It’s odd, interesting, destructive… Not everyone’s cup of tea. I won’t take offense if you read a few pages and then discard it. As long as you’re reading and engaging with the wonderful world of words, it makes me extremely happy. I’ve always have a great fondness for books, which is why I am glad to be sharing the experience with others… and to be able to do that. Not a lot of people have or make time for reading; others simply say that they don’t like to read *tsk-tsk* Where would we be without literacy? Without imagination, some form of escape?

If you love to read, feel free to post books you enjoyed in the comments section (which should be at the bottom of this blog entry). You can also share books you have started – perhaps a few times – and just cannot seem to finish/ get ‘into’. I’m always looking for new books to read…

Yip, pretty excited about sharing book recommendations with friends. Pretty darn much.

Readers unite!!! 😀

[PS: Do I even have to say that I recommend each and every work by the literary master writer Stephen King? No, I didn’t think so.]

“I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity”

4 10 2011

Edgar Allan Poe, I couldn’t have put it better myself.

As mentioned in a previous blog entry, I sometimes tend to have a love-hate relationship with my job as Project Manager. On the one hand, I’m learning new things and developing my skills (I’m always told how d*mn efficient and ‘energetic’ I am)… while, on the other hand, I have to deal with things that aren’t really my responsibility – tedious things that are a muddle of delays and confusion due to other people’s incompetence. I’m all for helping out where I can (and ‘assisting’ with things really means that you’ll end up doing everything yourself and be held liable for other people’s mistakes/ delays, etc. ), but when does it end? When can you say, “Okay, that’s it, I’ve had enough – I don’t care anymore. It’s Not. My. Problem.”?

Again: the joys of being a Project Manager.

Maybe if I ignore it, it'll go away...

It’s really enough to drive me insane… except that I have to try and keep a clear head, thinking things through and coming up with solutions – thus it’s the sanity that starts to feel strange and out of place, since it’s quite difficult to gain order and clarity out of ‘chaos’.

I suppose you have to be a little insane to work in this industry. I’ve never really been ‘normal’ anyway (are any of us? Ha-ha). Working with crazy deadlines, unreasonable people, stupid computers that act up on you, and feeling that even your best attempts are futile?

Yip, this industry is a veritable insane asylum. And the only way to ‘escape’ is to find alternative employment…

…not that I believe there’s any cure. If you have an editorially inclined mind, you’ll be applying it to everything. Even other people’s Facebook and Twitter updates!

[The only time appalling grammar is acceptable is when it comes to all those cute LOLcat pictures 😉 ]

Scattered Brainings XII

24 02 2011

* Who invented the bags that flour, sugar, and other necessities/ baking materials are packaged in? How do they think we’re supposed to get it open without ripping it apart (okay, I exaggerate, let’s rather say ‘tear’) since the glue is so stubborn?

* I’ve been really lazy this last week or two when it comes to reading… and yet, when one takes into consideration that we’re nearing the end of February, is it amazing, sad or scary to think that I have already read 26 books this year?

* My Significant Other’s a programmer, while I’m pro-grammar. It works.

* I have learnt that boredom leads you to doing things that you haven’t done in a very long time: painting your toenails… then adding a top layer with golden glitter/ shimmer in *sigh*

* “For a crazy cat lady, what comes first? The cats or the crazy?”

* We had quite a fon-due (fun do, get it?) over the weekend with amazing friends of ours. Pity that I don’t eat pork – besides bacon & ham – but I’m very pleased with myself that I wasn’t nauseous… although it was close, at one point during the evening. Hurray for endurance!

* I cried while watching EAT PRAY LOVE. Not really because of the film, but because I was feeling oddly emotional at the time. It was fun watching it with two programmers/ developers, though.

* Smudgy is a real opportunist. While I was taking a shower the other day, she stole the rest of my oats cookie (she did look a little bit guilty). And if I’m sitting on her chair, she’ll meow at me to get off… and sometimes even meow some more until I put the fan on! Such a demanding little miss.

* I love buying people gifts that they love, want and appreciate 🙂

* FUTURAMA is better than I remember. Back in the day I watched the first season, found the characters annoying, then dropped it. Now I even laugh or smile in amusement at times… because yes, stupidity is funny.

* Found out that a writer friend of mine is going to name a very minor ‘character’ (who the reader only hears about) after me in his latest book. Then a lot of other people can mispronounce my name – goody! 😉

* Some Facebook games are really stupid. Take your relationship, match it to the fruit on this list and then post it on your status to show your support for Breast Cancer Awareness? Uh-huh… Some people have whole fruit salads going on!!…

*…Soon (i.e. upon getting married) I’ll be going from an apple to a banana – what a transition!

* Thank you very much, Universe. You seem to want me to be jobless.

* Cats are disgusting. Then again, they probably feel the say way about humans. Smudgy is busy playing with a huge grasshopper… in. our. apartment.

* I ❤ Stephen King. You’ll be hearing it until you get sick of it (and me) – and then some!

Rage: Home Edition

17 11 2010

How many of you have ever read that Richard Bachman (Stephen King) story RAGE (originally titled GETTING IT ON)? Or, more appropriate here, ROADWORK, for that matter?

ROADWORK is a tale that sees Barton George Dawes unable to come to terms with the highway extension project, where both his house and his workplace will be knocked down in order for this extension to be made. He even approaches someone with connections to the Mob for help, hoping to obtain explosives, though when this fails he makes his own explosives by using gasoline – and guess what? It actually works! He’s able to destroy quite a bit of the construction equipment… although this only delays the extension project for the shortest of whiles.

He’s busy losing everything: his job (due to his actions), his wife (who left him after she found out about how he purposefully didn’t seal a deal for his old company), and the only thing that’s left to lose is the house and the memories that go with it. But you know human nature – it’s more than just a house: it’s someone’s home, filled with loving times and fond (albeit painful) memories of his son who died of a brain tumour. This is why he stands his ground; this is why he won’t leave his home, refusing to leave his home and even shooting at the police, and finally setting off the last of his explosives – destroying himself along with the house he loved so much… because of the memories of his son, unable to let go.

RAGE is a bit more complex than that, and I don’t really have the ‘strength’ to explain it to you know, so if you’re interested you can read about it on Stephen King’s website or on Wikipedia. Even though ROADWORK ties in with what I want to talk about today, I think rage is mainly what I feel, which is why I thought about the story (brilliant, of course), and decided to simply combine the two stories in my blog post’s title.

Because man, I am truly utterly upset angry sad enraged…

My Significant Other dropped me off at my parental home yesterday after work. I was going to do some ironing, chat with my mum, and then we’d stay over for supper. Just some nice, family time.

But even the simplest and nicest of things get spoiled.

My parentals and I left the house at 17:05 to go to the grocery store. At 17:20, on our way back, our next door neighbour phones to inform us that it appears that someone broke into our house. Luckily we weren’t far off, so we were there in a minute or two, coming to assess the damage. They broke the large front window, went right through the house, and left behind minimal damage and only a few things stolen.

The DVD player in the living room, which is adjoined to the dining room (they broke that window), was stolen, the video machine was on the floor, and wires were lying about. Bottles of wine – fortunately not broken – were on the floor, and a bottle of nail polish from my mum’s one cupboard and a slab of chocolate from my younger sister’s dresser drawer were in the living room by the television (only slightly shifted) as well.

They didn’t go into the kitchen, which is where my handbag with my purse in it stood. The walked straight through my bedroom to the downstairs study – where the computer is – without touching anything in my room… and guess what? My new pearls (for the wedding) and tiara were lying on the bed which they merely walked past (!!!), clear as day.

They even opened only one of the cupboards in my parentals’ room – meaning that they didn’t take (or see) any of my mum’s jewellery.

Thank the gods for small… well, large, actually… favours.

All the computer equipment was placed neatly on the floor, though the screen (which was bought very recently) was broken. The only thing they took was the printer, which we found on the stoep where the window was broken, and the guillotine, which was nowhere to be found. We almost thought that they had stolen my mum’s friend’s laptop, which my Significant Other was going to have a look at that evening, but at least my mum realized this morning that she had put it away safely elsewhere, so that’s a relief.

Food from the cupboard was scattered everywhere – they even left a box of Salticrax and the tin of Milo on my parentals’ bed, though none of the food was open and thus the floors weren’t filthy. There were two drops of blood on the sealed pack of kitchen towel, and a big lovely palm/ hand print on the glass where they broke in. If they can catch those f*cking b*stards (which is what I called them on Facebook, though I don’t like using that sort of language), then it’ll be a fine day indeed.

Still, I don’t know how much will come of it. The police took almost an hour and a half to get to my parentals’ home (sadly, I expected no less…)

Why can’t a person be safe in your own home anymore? Why are there people who do these kinds of things? Is there no place we can be safe? Is nothing sacred? It’s a ‘miracle’ that they only stole two things, yet the really bad part about this ordeal is knowing that someone broke into your home and was rummaging among your personal things. No respect, no remorse *sigh* It’s a cruel world.

And I know that there’s no point in me getting really angry – enraged, even – and wanting to protect our home with all my might. It’s over and done with, and nothing can change that now. What’s sadder is the fact that it has become so unsafe in the area where my parentals live that they might have to move in the not-too-distant future… Moving from the home where not only my sisters and I grew up, but my mother, as well, since her father built the house.

When things go wrong, all you can do is pick up the pieces and go on in life (although you’ll become even more cautious and precautionary than you already were).

What are we to do… in a world where a lot of people just don’t care…?

(Scary to wonder what it would take for a person to act in the same way as Barton George Dawes did… and to see some logic in his reasoning and emotions.)

Hey, it’s OK…

20 10 2010

Courtesy of the GLAMOUR magazines I have under the small table in our bedroom (December 2009 to June 2010), here are some of my favourites I thought I’d share – just the ticket to brighten up your mid-working week Wednesday. Although the magazine aims this section at women, I hope my male readers will enjoy it as well (you’ll probably end up nodding your heads knowingly).


…to pretend you’re on a photo shoot when you blowdry your hair

…if there are more things on the door of your fridge than inside it

…if your whole wheat cracker tin is filled with Lindt chocolate balls [if only *sigh*]

…to kick him really hard when he snores, then pretend to be asleep

…to buy the jumbo-sized box of condoms. You have a goal. The goal is the expiry date. Go!

…to ask for a surprise party

…to count housecleaning as a workout. Scrub and squat, sweep and sweat, dust and dance – done! [so glad to hear that; guess I’ll skip the gym and stay a happy little housecleaner]

…to be all about cuddling after sex, but build a pillow wall between your bodies for the actual sleeping part

…to sometimes quote movies to get your point across [quite effective… even if, sometimes, you’re the only one who gets it. At least you appreciate your wit!]

…to wear long pants to avoid shaving your legs

…to have no idea what’s going on in Grey’s Anatomy, Brothers & Sisters, Desperate Housewives or 24 [because I know that I don’t]

…to not understand how teenage pop stars can sing about being in love [you’re all of 14 – get over yourself]

…to tell him his stubble is rugged and sexy – even though kissing him gives you a rash

…to have no interest in the latest cell phones. You don’t want world domination. SMSing will do [someone explain this to my Significant Other; I don’t want a touch screen or android phone]

…to have all your favourite Disney classic theme songs on your iPod. Nothing like A Whole New World to life your spirits!

…to wish you lived in the 18th century just so you could wear elaborate silk gowns and corsets [yes please]

…to devour the entire slab of chocolate. And still want more

…to insist on sending SMSes with the correct spelling and grammar. ‘L8R’ is not a word in the English dictionary! [Amen to that! What can I say? I’m a language purist]

…to roll your eyes when your friends post the millionth photo of their new baby on Facebook – but to have a whole album dedicated to your cat [and I do]

…to believe that a hot bath and a cup of tea can solve any problem [it doesn’t hurt, after all]

…to occasionally need to sing the alphabet in your head and count on your fingers

Headaches and cellphone-less-ness-ity

15 10 2010

Headache: day I’ve-lost-count-already.

I find it ironic that, after going to see a neurologist last Friday (just a general visit, no tests), I have had a worse-than-usual headache every day after that – a week later, and I’m worse off than I ever could have imagined – excruciating headaches that are borderline-migraines, with a migraine surfacing for most of yesterday and a great deal of this morning.

Guess I’ll have to have my head examined.

Pretty much how I feel...

When asked to describe my headaches, I couldn’t quite put my finger on it – only because it does vary according to the severity of the unwelcome daily intrusion. Mostly, I’d say that it’s a throbbing pain, accompanied with the feeling of someone pressing down harder and harder on my temples, causing bursts of agony that might be similar to having a screwdriver driven from one side of the head to the other (I wouldn’t know, as this has never literally happened to me).

You’d think after almost eight years of daily headaches I’d be used to it by now…

To top things off, I seem to be extremely unlucky when it comes to cell phones. Either they switch off of their own accord, don’t ring when there’s an incoming call or don’t receive messages, eat my airtime by checking my e-mails (but not, in fact, receiving any – I kid you not), and generally annoy me to hell and gone.

And it seems like the evil cell fairy has struck again.

Wednesday afternoon. My cell phone is in perfect working condition, actually receiving my e-mails and making the ‘noises’ it should. Not a scratch on the screen or cover. Battery half-full. All seems well, and things are peaceful in Discordia… Then, the inevitable: picking up the phone to check for text messages, the screen is blank. Oh joy.

Try to switch it on – nothing happens. Take out the battery, check for dust, reinsert it, try to switch it on again – again, a resounding nothing. Try again – the phone makes an ominous, stretched-out buzzing sound, then falls silent again. The phone remains off. So of to the Vodashop we went.

(At least we received good service)

My phone had to be checked in, after which they’ll ship it off for inspection… meaning that I’ll be phone-less for one to two weeks. Luckily, the only time I ‘really’ need my phone is when my Significant Other let’s me know that he’s waiting outside OUP to pick me up after work, so that’s all right. My parentals have been informed that they shouldn’t contact me on my cell, and to cover all bases (just in case), I even put a message up on Facebook to inform my friends of the situation.

But now the waiting and ‘worrying’ is giving me a headache. That, and the fact that their system at the Vodashop listed my phone as not being under warranty – and we only bought the thing last December! So if the phone is supposed to have a warranty of 24 months, and only 10 months have passed, does it mean that they gave me an old phone? Or is it simply, typically, my bad luck?

*breathe, breathe*

They say exercise is good for headaches, plus it can relieve tension, so maybe I should try that…

…or maybe not :-/

I can only hope that the headache will dissipate in time. It’s difficult to focus on what you’re reading with a constant pounding interrupting one’s concentration flow… and I really, really want to read – I’m busy with the last book in the DARK TOWER series. So close to completion, the tower draws ever nearer, oh Discordia! Help me on my quest – do and say thankya, I beg, big-big.